Your values become your destiny. Today, I am thankful for this week. 192. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I did not trip and fall. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 61. 2. Thank God Im an atheist. We have a connection. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? "Disconnect to connect.". , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 92. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. A wishbone. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Because seven ate nine. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 262. 273. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 1. - Unknown. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 156. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 23. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Breasts dont have eyes. I just go normal from time to time. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Albert Einstein, 190. Jonathan lockwood huie. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 255. The best things in life are free. 94. Today is a great day. 196. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Roy Lichtenstein. I am here to live to the fullest. - Catherine Pulsifer. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 43. Bill Murray 4. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 209. Good morning! Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. You try again, but no sound is coming out. 279. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. How do trees access the internet? 72. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. 270. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 9. Your life is your message to the world. Don't forget to be awesome. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Because it was soda pressing. 2. 139. 91. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 64. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Billy Wilder. I accept my body the way it is today. I am grateful for that time. 53. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. "Have a great Wednesday. Words have the power to make or break us. 25. 116. I know the best time to make fun. 110. Does it count if you say them in your mind? It gets toad away. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. 84. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. 187. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. Ensure that your actions match your words. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 119. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Your email address will not be published. happy. 187. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Send me the link. 64. 265. 74. Sometimes the M is silent. 13. Paul Ehrlich 232. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 31. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 24. health is important. All you need is love. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. What is Mozart doing right now? Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Roy Lichtenstein Good morning! 196. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 225. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. A mind is like a parachute. 62. It may feel useless but just get into it. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Really? Franklin Jones Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Jackie Collins, 240. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - F. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 28. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 7. But you can always be immature. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Socrates. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. When nothing is going right, go left. We have a connection. 48. The rest are too expensive. Its okay, he woke up. 188. 176. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 8. Laughter brings me closer to people. You were too lazy to read that number. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Any text will do. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Honolulu, its got everything. 222. 66. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 205. 160. Why is England the wettest country? A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Confidence makes me powerful. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Theres no stopping me now. No, but April may. 156. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. In between, I am alive., 7. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Live life to the fullest. I thought you said extra fries. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 70. 149. Its a door, thats how they work. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 112. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. 219. 132. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 166. 24. 3. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Im describing you. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I am strong and getting stronger every day. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. 243. Snowballs. Cindy from Marzahn The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. God has never abandoned me. 179. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. 45. Decomposing. I didnt want to interrupt her. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. You never run out of things that can go wrong. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 122. Alright, get in the basket. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 63. Youre not tequila., 5. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Look, youre smiling! 205. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. 57. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Albert Einstein I create my life on a quantum level. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 97. 126. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 157. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 169. 120. I understand success cant happen overnight. At night, I cant fall asleep. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. 5. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 226. If only common sense were more common. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. I'm doing great. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Wilson Mizner I want to afford them., 2. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 4. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 149. 30. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Friday Affirmations. Youre talking to yourself. 8. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 59. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. 107. - Bette Midler. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. What is Mozart doing right now? I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 162. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . 67. Use this space for describing your block. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 1. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. East. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 16. Ive got three bones. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 61. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 27. Paul Ehrlich, 241. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Ken Dodd They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". 258. 167. Send me the link. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". What is the tallest building in the entire world? Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. I enjoy every minute of it. I am too lazy to be lazy. 2. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 2. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 91. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I am intelligent. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Happy Birthday.". I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 161. 8. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 60. 2. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Why is England the wettest country? Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. What do I do for a living? My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Bill Murray If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 7. It just plain forms. 1. Stuart Turner, 247. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. The library, because it has so many stories. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Lorrin L. Lee. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Friends buy you food. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 32. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Wilson Mizner, 262. - George Burns. Flip Wilson, 263. 174. 114. 82. Good morning! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Life always offers you a second chance. 159. 146. 37. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 225. They planet. I see the funny side of life more and more. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. A backbone. 144. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 8. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Those who snore always fall asleep first. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. 189. 140. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 208. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I believe in what's possible for me. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 27. 96. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 9. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 210. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 192. 12. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 195. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. - Benjamin Franklin. 103. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. They log in. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 236. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 150. I can always think of something funny to say. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 108. Hes dreaming too. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. With time, I have started to value more time. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 65. -Gandhi. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 26. 16. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 102. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 214. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 50. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 40. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. I make the right choices every time. My mistakes dont define me. 75. Funny Friday Quotes. 65. Ann Landers, 244. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Honolulu, its got everything. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. 203. Short people with an umbrella. 264. Czech proverb, 261. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 276. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. avoid carbs. 40. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 8. 45. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. 241. Ken Dodd, 255. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Never judge a book by its movie. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 267. Why did the can crusher quit his job? And a funny bone. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 253. 138. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 167. 133. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 19. Bill Murray I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years.