me and he had promised he would love me forever. We did counselling were he was told he had: PTSD and depression- of course there was nothing wrong with him. 5. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. 4 years ago my husband came home and announced he was thinking of divorce. Hi Nathan. Leave them alone. Make a list of the things you didnt like about her and your marriage. I really dont know what to do. I was so fearful of it returning that I wound up taking the gabapentin for seven months before daring to discontinue it. Not a good thing for Xmas but you can only pick up the pieces and do your best to move on. This may help resolve the issue. I must think it is permanant. I know for my own good I will have to pick up my shattered heart and live as if it never happened. Let go of the self-blame. My husband of 5 years told me he no longer loves me about 4 months ago. I love him but Im so angry at him for leaving us. Whats your love story and is it compatible with your partners? Then evil sets in. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. Use your resources when someone is trying to mess with you . Being in the military I have seen unbelievable atrocities, that others will not believe happened because they dont think it possible. Im devastated. My husband of 20years has just told hes leaving me that hes not in love with me anymore and has been living a lie for the past year!! My wife began threatening me with divorce over little things years ago. Never was there a conversation of custody or living nearby to split parenting. I have been begging wife to stop the lies, stop the backstabbing, and stop the abuse of pills and alcohol.. without trust there is no foundation without a foundation the house falls. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! We now have a new and our 5th counselor. So find a new companion to share your life with. I am disabled and have unique issues that cause stroke like symptoms and memory issues. I had no clue what was going on behind my back. What can ido to ease her pain and stop from having a second divorce? She left you without warning after 10 years of marriage because her family and a so called friend pushed her to do so. I did everything I could to be a healthier partner. I am livid with her, but at the same time I love her, and would do anything to be able to sort things out and get us back together. Christy, you just summed up my life since December. I have a client who went to their parents house with their young child after going through a brutal abandonment in their marriage, and they told me it was the best decision they have made, she says. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Last Monday he decided he couldn't take anymore and left to try and figure out what is making him miserable. I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. They will never know how grateful I am. Whens it supposed to get better? This is my second marriage and the pain is horrific.. children. She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. Her husband barely talked to her. She missed everything. His family dont know what happens prior to him arriving alone, but I feel realy awkward and dont want them to think that Im snobbing them out. Best wishes! When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled. I am totally devastated. Over the Xmas period she started to become distant, but I put it primarily down to the fact that her grandad, who shes very close to, is now in a home with Alzheimers and it would be her first Xmas without him. The most difficult is the roommate or as you noted, sibling-like Relationship. Very interesting info!Perfect just what I was searching for! I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. My wife left me 5 days ago and I do not know what to do with myself I wish you all the best finding the new you and someone who loves you for who you really are!! The same applies to young men who can be fooled by a charming female sociopath/narcissist. My ex-husband used me for everything I had and then just left. It really hurts. We have been together for 9 no kids (thank God) she was my first love for everything, but things didnt work, and now she say she sees me like a friend he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. Please. See a priest. Where are you at spiritually and mentally? I kept with it as I felt so lucky to know someone so unique and incredibly desirable. And to make things worse I think Im getting addicted to them. My husband did the same thing to me. How do You recover or get over something like this??? I wish I had an answer for you. You will be fine. Hope youre finding a healthy way to pass the time and keep it great for you. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. I certainly wouldnt feel the need to reply with a comment if someone suggested to see a Rabbi BECAUSE IT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. Always go with your gut instinct and protect yourself until you feel safe again. I knew it was something . Hes not acted any different or said a thing. Yet she is cold. He told me that mom was sucking on a can while they were on their way to pick up his friend for soccer practice and she was having a problem driving and stoped abruptly in subdivision well she was what learned later what is called huffing a can/ bottle of butane. Hithis is an awful thing but its so nice to read these messages and know Im not alone in feeling this heartbreak. Im not sure, I was available to him for conversation,I very rarely went out because I work multiple jobs simultaneously, take care of the kids and the house. Im 33. Im sorry you misunderstood I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. We are happy to provide resources, but please know that our site is not meant to be a substitute for professional mental health or relationship help. We are both 60, we have a son of 23 and a daughter of 20 about to go to uni. Put my foot down and told her if she ditches us again that weekend I would be done. Here's what the research says on why it happens and how to cope. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. Everyone keeps saying mid life crisis. Listen Im going thru the same thing bro.fiance left me for her young boss..we have a 2 year old daughter and I went from having our own apartment to me moving back with my mother and starting over and shes still dealing with him for the past 4months now. ? He had no good reason and said we dont like the same things which made no sense to me at all. This other guys life probably seems fresh and new, problem free, sexually attentive and like a vacation from her life. its been a rough go since 2013. Its a horrible way to live, he leaves constantly when things dont go his way, wont marry me (although we were engaged 6 months into our relationship) wont move in and keeps leaving me, sleeping with other woman then reeling me right back in with emotional BS! I know Id feel better getting my stuff together lol. 7. 1. I did everything I could and I was under the impression that things were improving as the passion from her appeared to return. Sadly we lost him which was devastating then two weeks later got married (already planned) then quickly found out we had a daughter on the way. My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. They are the only thing that matters now and the better the life you make for them the quicker you will heal. Hoping she would relax a little. Thank you for posting this article. Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself. The only thing I can figure is tha she is very broken. But over the course of 13 years it would wear on her to the point that a few months back she finally broke down and told me how much it would hurt her. God wants HIS values to be lived out, more than our temporary satisfaction and happiness. Dont let her make you crazy. Any youths on how to cope welcome. He is back to. She asks for more and more me days and now I have the kids every single weekend. Dated on and off for 30y., 2 scholar-athlete teens, 4 college degrees between us, 3 solid careers and a nearly paid off house, and four years of kids college pre paid. The kids are with her in the parents house. When you give yourself to a person completely then they just walk out of your life like nothing its so easy for them I feel depressed and dont know how to cope everything reminds me of him and its harder at night sleeping alone I saw this coming but still wasnt prepared enough. Im not a dumb guy, I swear it. Any problem she has she phones the bloke she left me for is a condescending arse this was not the first affair ive since found out there have been 4 in the last ten years I knew about one and worked hard 6 years ago to forgive and forget . He speaks animal suffering communication with dead he has completed changed. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage. Latter he leaves the house and stay for days, some times weeks without telling me his whereabouts. Im not saying to use self-help books as a magic pill that will solve all your problems. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. So Im on my own, hence the online searching for advice. He told me not to cry, he couldnt handle it. He obviously had no intentions of returning. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. Hi John, dear lord. Thanks cassieD.I feel no more,Like i am dead.I have tried therapy.nothing is helping.i feel like there is no hope for me. I have worked my butt off to be well. I asked my wife to meet me when she got off work which was later and later than years ago. And they turned their back on me and their grand kids. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. When he left me, my mother was furious . But we have a 13 year old son together, and hes a wonderful boy. Since that day my wife has changed. Emotionless and distant. But really, act like your all shocked and surprised? I have struggled with anger issues for quite a large portion of my life. Its a behavioral condition Something. My kids are suffering too. She was afraid to tell u sooner prob cause she was afraid it would make u mad. And he got away with it, because if the corrupt Judicial system. Do you really want to be married to a women thats flashing her goods to the world wide web???? Hi Robert! His response was that he thought about it and couldnt go through with it because he couldnt hurt me. I just didnt know about it. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. I am so truly heartbroken. Sometimes all it takes is to know someone believes in you to find the strength. Hes in his mid 40s and literally has nothing, his mommy and daddy are still paying his way and completly enabling him to behave this way. For me, this is still a very difficult situation to get through. She and I know the marriage was no longer a marriage and to carry on would be a sham. And when I was called up to get her. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. Catching up was fun, she was comfortable to talk to, to share life experiences with and before long we both felt the electricity we had known years ago was still there and strong as ever. No matter I am around my kids but his stuff is all over her place. Yes I will stick with you and let the girls know they are unfair and mean in the way they treat me. Had to move out of my house as his business is next door. Write to Family Life, The Guardian . Trust me, youll find your comfort in Jesus. We share same breathe. Sure, you will have good days and bad days, I still get those, but they are now few and far between. My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. We both feel so strongly that we are right for each other, we trully do love each other. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! Anyway, I know it takes time. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. Then a notable lack of interest. Why pretend you want to save our family? Its very painful its been only 2 months after we live together for over 4 years and we have a 2 years old. A relationship is made of two people that are ready and willing to be a team. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. And what they are now compared to who they were before. I know he made some mistakes, but that doesnt mean that you have to live with them. Anyone in your situation would be willing to do anything to save their relationship, but broken trust and betrayal like this is very hard to get over. Dear Tim Set up a lot of reasons why and decided that for insurance purposes, it would be best to wait until my youngest turned 18. The truth is if it is important to you, it should be important to him. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. . They may have unmet . Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. She has left me 10 to 15 times since we have been together but each time it still hurts the same. Youre going to feel happy and wonderful again. I love my wife so badly that shes been my go to person for anything in my life. Slightly distant. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. I dont even care how she treats me anymore, but its tearing our son up and that is really hard to see, knowing theres little I can do for him. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. Its the idealistic lovethe one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children. Put me down controlled me ..I Was a walking living breathing definition of a battered husband. Turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thus year I received an anonymous email. I miss how much if a gentleman he was and how extremely romantic he can be. To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. But nope we ship off to my place and to my horror she wont answer the phones all weekend which really catches me off guard, I thought we were doing something here. Her head kept onto the tear-soaked pillow feels like bursting with pain while she thinks about why her husband left her for another woman. I realised then this was serious and we were in trouble. Youre an excellent father and she should be happy to have you. Our new counselor really seems to understand our real issue, which is communication on a very big level. All rights reserved. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. Why does your family believe him over you? He works out of town so at the moment 2 weeks on 1 week home it was his first time to that site and it was coming to the end of the 2 weeks one day he was telling me couldnt wait to come home and see me he missed me so much couldnt live without me, very next day found out he was leaving me for another girl that he works with and was just cold cold cold. Our process took 3 months but shes ready to move on and man, we just have to as well. That aside Ive been really good to her and treating her as if I just met her but that has not resonated with her. Take your life back, It is yours to live!! The kids were emotional wreck thing of this, so I told lawyer I hired that we were muddy the waters and I will take the pfa so the kids dont have to go thru this. People, most of us humans are simply selfish. Same situation, married 18 years, 2 girls.not sure if she had somebody else, but I have a feeling,,,wont talk to me at all. Hello! I care about love and passion and family, but if I tell him he laughs and says we dont need that. Unfortunately, theres little we can do about that. They make promises, to you and your children, and when those promises are . Maybe I just feel in love with the author. That I am dead to him. I love her so much. Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. Over the past year he has been leaving me in the dark about a lot of stuff. I learnt from my partner of two and half years that any relationship can work. The correct answer is not to say I dont want to be around someone miserable. Well, whatever the case may be, this article is for you. It wasnt until I became a single parent that I really began to understand how much of a taboo subject it still is. Can anyone offer any words of hope? All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. Guilt that your children have a mentally ill parent that you can . Hey, After it finally sunk in that the man I thought Id married was obviously not and whats more he wasnt even trying to cover up or be nice any more. Found a great new home development where he knew the builder and was talking with the builder about the possibility of a few lots that would become available. I resented my husband a lot during this time. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. Get pleasable. Please. As hard as it can be to lose your partner, there probably is some part of you that shut down or got lost in the relationship. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. Apparently, like the physical pain, and the way I processed that, the emotional pain and mental obsession I suffered, was on automatic; it was a LEARNED response that had obviously been running, on perpetual pain, not unlike continuous *seizure* activity. Is there something wrong with me. He has been gone for about six months now. Scharnett-King K. (2022). So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. You might think she's overreacting at being passed over for a job and she might think you're crazy for over-analyzing that awkward moment at a . We had our time coming our kids are bigger so we only had a couple months ago before they were at the house. He will probably wake up in a few years and regret this selfish act and damaging decision. I served honorably for 27 years in the Army, receiving the highest peacetime award for my service. Encouraging someone to move on because they have lost the spark seems simplistic and almost dangerous. Why put everybody through all this again if you cant be bothered to truly try and put in effort. We made specific vows centered around this. Ive not coped at all Was in hospital for 5 days and am trying my best to eat and drink which feels pointless. There are reasons homosexuals hide things like that from loved ones. Paul W. Paul what did you do to overcome the sadness? I worker steady nights for 27 years. I miss her deeply. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. Its truly disgusting. What did you do to cause her to leave? About 8 years in we had a son forcing us to live with her parents on a temp basis (a year!!) This story was written by Niamh Tracey of Dublin, Ireland. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. This order is supposed to save lives not ruin them. I am good to my wife. We have a routine together. You are definitely not alone. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today I guess Im in the shock phase right now. I know your heart is broken, but you need to understand that your husband may have left because he was unhappy and wanted something better. Not 2 weeks after she left she told me she has to learn to love herself get things good with the kids then we can work on us. I was devastated! I tried so hard to choke it all back as I rushed out of there. You do need help, and having a friend or family member around is not only a great way for you to feel like youre not alone, but its also a better way for them to understand your pain. You deserve better and just live better than he does. I just want her back.. My husband left me about 19 years ago we were best friends for some years but when we got married he walked out on me I had broken my leg and was using cruches to get around he left me when I needed him the most I dont know why he left me he never tried to find me to explain hisself or why he did what he did nothing bad happened between us I cant seem to get pass this I think about what he did to me everyday and nite for the past 19 years I have been emotionaly upset over this and dont know what to do i just want answers. I want to leave my husband, and I dont know how to make him understand. now i got to know of her infidelity causing her to move out of the house, leaving the 3 grown up children with me. Please pray for me. We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. He said he filed for divorce and that was a blow to my heart after he told me he was not even considering it. I banished him to the basement couch while I tried to deal with my shock and disbelief. I am the one who needs help, not him. I knew my wife was no longer this person that I longed for. I begged begged prayed prayed prayed and became closer to god than I ever had been in my life.. my wife slept in a coma state almost ever day for over a year. Would tell them I would rather be at work than at home knowing. I hold my vows very close to my heart. But as soon as the girls are home. I know times have changed and lives have gotten in the way. please advice me what to do. She says she is doing this for our marriage. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. 3. Maybe there were reasons you didnt want to put energy and time into the relationship, or perhaps you felt like it was your partners job as much as yours. At this time he professed his love for me and wanted to work things out. I am aware that this is poisoning my heart and rationally speaking I know I must forgive. Persistent denials coupled with ego aggravates everything . He had freedom to hang with his friends and even was lucky enough to have a swinger lifestyle and a socially bi wife that had tons of fun with him in our adult fun life style. And at the time he would be like. Completely unaware of what had transpired I was thinking we really needed to talk. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. Scharnett-King warns this rarely works out. I so want to move on but feel abandoned and unloveable. His father, a minister, married us. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. This is what she wants. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. Of course, feelings change over the course of a marriageyou are not going to have those sparks flying like you did when you first met. Protect your assets. He is divorced and has 2 young girls. Online forums are places where people come together to share their experiences with one another. I dont know how to be strong. I have to have faith. By the time I left, I hardly knew who I was anymore. Got obsessed with animal rights became activist. Nobody is perfect but there have to be certain things that will be most important to you. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. Your partner met someone else. I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. We have kids high school age. That really hurts. Things have been bad for awhile, but it is still hard to accept that it is over. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. No, Im not saying that you need to forget all that happened. I need some advice and to help here with my own feelings. He is 17 months. She tried to abduct our son from daycare and it only didnt happen because my daycare worker knew of my wifes history and that Im more of the primary caregiver because of her instability. Is he really going to his parents house? I get my kids every weekend and the time always flies by. Dog depression is similar to the kind we as humans experience. Feel like Im ready to give up. Any suggestions please. When I have been upset and called to to him he has been very cold and mean.telling me he hated being in a relationship with hated being a family and so on. The following morning I came across more items that appeared to be missing from the house again and when I was once again told that he had given items to family members without even discussing it with me, I became very upset and hurt. If he doesnt get a rise out of me, he becomes enraged and starts drama then tries to blame it on me. Jesus did not ever condone abusive behavior but he also didnt give you a right to judge your partner in a mental or physical illiness. I just cant understand. 3) Be patient with your husband and his remorse. theycome to realize is this it! 3. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. Just sad. Or when it is convenient. You see, self-help books offer a different kind of advice because they often offer exercises and other activities you can do to help make your life easier. I was born with mine. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. GoodTherapy.org is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we would like to encourage you to reach out. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to . How to cope: Work on taking responsibility for your part, forgiving yourself for what you could have done differently, and letting go of how you think it should have been. very true. I am truly sorry to hear of your pain, I know how hard it is. We just stopped, as she put it. Youre alright Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. What about when you discover hes gay..by discovering multiple affairs he has had? From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. It has now been some time since then and many conversations regarding the relationship not being one where we operated as a couple. A 2009 study found women living with life threatening illnesses were more likely than others to experience spousal abandonment. My exwife left me for some guy she meet at a club and he choked her to death. Because of his looks people often say he's punching or ask him how he pulled me because I am a low profile runway model and I'd say I'm pretty conventionally attractive. If you have to question them or yourself 9 times out of 10 there is a good reason for this. If you had make a big mistake and dont know how to fix it, your friend or family member will be able to help you figure out what you did wrong. I am so sorry this happened to you. Its a love that looks right., She asked us, Did you know he has Down syndrome? I was a little shocked. It hurts to have been so stupid to believe she ever wanted it back at all, probably just guilt for what she did. And that makes it hard to think about anything else. I have done so much for her. My x married her affair partner within the allowed 60 days of our divorce finalized. They dont even have to contain a mother or father, they could be aunts, uncles, your step-family or even friends. I cant believe the hell youre going through. My husband of 6 years packed his clothing and left after telling me that we do not have future together after I did not find a career job and was in a car accident. My wife left me in October after 6 years Im dealing with my in-laws involved the failure of our marriage has been all shifted on me my wife has changed her cell all kinds of madness, I try to get it out as much as I can its tuff I have the bills kids everything to deal with, How lucky ur wife is to be much loved by youi wish i am that person..:(, My husband had never showed me love from the very begginning.